Wow, a few months ago weeks would go by without a word to report, so I really didn't need to be very attentive at keeping up my blog, but just in the past couple of weeks things have really moved along. I haven't been keeping up not because there isn't anything to write about but because things are moving so fast I haven't had a minute to write it all down. As it is, I'm writing this on my BlackBerry on the train on the way to work... which is about the most multitasking that I do.
The big news is that everything is proceeding quickly with Caesar and we are now on the fast track to having him move in on Friday, December 4. For anyone who hasn't read my last few blog posts, Caesar is the 16-year-old boy we have been getting to know and who we are bringing into our family with the ultimate goal being adoption. In my last post I wrote about how we had spent our first day together with his social worker there to help ease the transition. Since then we have spent a lot of time alone with Caesar and he has had the chance to stay over several times and see what our daily life is like. It's not all dining out and taking day trips to walk around the city. Chris has taken him grocery shopping, he's been helping us with taking out the garbage and other chores and we've spent Sunday mornings reading the paper and watching videos. Of course, once in a while we do get to do fun things. He knows we like to travel and he's excited to think about where we might go for our first trip together.
GETTING TO KNOW CAESAR
Caesar is a very special and wonderful kid. He seems to really enjoy just hanging out with us talking, playing board games, cooking or whatever. Unlike most 16-year-olds I know, which is admittedly not many, he seems to thrive on attention from adults, which is great for us because we said from the beginning that we want someone who wants to participate and be part of the family. He's very much into music, and Chris and I have been getting a crash course in all the popular singers and songs on the charts these days. As someone who hasn't bought a top 40 album in years (is it ok to still call them albums?) and who is only familiar with names of popular singers based on reading in the news about who dissed whom at the XYZ Awards Show, I've been surprised at how much I enjoy the music he listens to. Here we were thinking we were going to turn him onto show tunes (which could still happen) and now I'm ready to get tickets to see Lady Gaga when she comes to San Francisco!
We can tell that Caesar is starting to feel more comfortable with us because he is able to share more parts of his personality. We've seen the quiet pensive side of him as well as the goofy fun side. Sometimes he'll behave very maturely and responsibly and sometimes we're reminded that it wasn't so long ago that he was a child and that he's still learning how to be a young adult.
We are fortunate to live in a district with great schools, but considering all the changes with home and family, we assumed that Caesar would want to continue at the same school he's been going to so that at least he could stay with his friends there. We were surprised and a little glad to learn that he is actually looking forward to transferring to the local high school, hopefully for next semester. I think this will help us stay more involved and connected to what's going on with school, which will be helpful. As it is, I think he's going to be receiving more attention and support regarding academics now than he has been getting in foster care, so that is definitely a good thing.
We are thrilled that Caesar has chosen to spend Thanksgiving with us and that he will get a chance to meet much of Chris's side of the family then. Our family is pretty big though so it will probably take several visits to meet eveyone! For now we're just thankful that Caesar is excited about joining our family and will be spending Thanksgiving with us in his new home.
More updates soon!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
OUR SECOND DATE
Things are really starting to happen now! We had our second meeting with Caesar this week; since Caesar and I both had Veteran’s Day off and Chris was able to schedule his work for later in the day, we all spent Wednesday together in San Francisco.
CHINATOWN
We met Caesar with his social worker, Tricia, at the BART (commuter rail) station and took the train into the city. We decided to go to Chinatown, since there is so much to see and do, and because he had never been there. The crowds weren’t too bad… Chinatown is always crowded, but it wasn’t as insane as I’ve seen it on weekends, so it seemed like a good time to be there. We started off walking up Grant Avenue, which is one of the main streets and is mostly tourist shops selling flip flops and mini license plates with names on them (one place actually had a “Troy” license plate, but Caesar came to terms long ago with the reality that he can never find his name on souvenir license plates, keychains or refrigerator magnets). He was really taken by all the sights and sounds: the red lanterns hanging on buildings and in the street, the stores with huge ivory sculptures in the windows (boo, ivory!), the old man playing a traditional Chinese instrument in front of a church. We did a lot of window shopping and people watching, which is one of the best things to do anywhere in San Francisco!
It was about noon at that time and we were getting hungry, so we stopped for lunch. We decided to go to Brandy Ho’s , which is a chain restaurant that I’ve seen in several places now. I was hoping to go to a traditional dim sum restaurant where they roll carts around the restaurant with many small appetizer-sized plates (like Chinese tapas?) and you pick the items you like and everything gets tallied up at the end. However it turned out to be a good choice to go to Brandy Ho’s since Caesar is a bit of a picky eater… he does like a number of foods but he hasn’t had a lot of experience with various cuisines so it was good to go with something he was familiar with at first. We got pot stickers and pork chow mein, which he knew he would like, but we also tried some new things too. We got a vegetable dish that had carrots (which he knows he likes), bok choy (which he had never tried but is similar to things he likes), and tofu (which he had never tried and is probably nothing like anything he had ever eaten before). We had a few other dishes and were pretty stuffed by the time we finished.
After lunch we started walking back toward the train but walked down Stockton Street this time. While Grant Avenue is more of the touristy side of Chinatown, Stockton Street caters to the Chinese residents of the city. Most of the signs on the stores are all in Chinese with no English. Instead of souvenir and electronics stores, there are produce and fish markets and stores that sell Chinese herbs and medicines. We also ventured into some of the alleys between the main streets. I have lived in the Bay Area for 16 years and had never known they existed, so it’s no wonder that there were very few tourists in the alleys. There were some smaller stores and shops, and people living in the floors above had their laundry hanging out to dry on the fire escapes. In one of the alleys was a fortune cookie factory and we decided to go in to check it out. Basically it was a big room with a couple of machines cranking out the big, flat, round cookies and two women who sat next to the machines and folded them into the fortune cookie shape one after the other. We bought a couple of bags of fortune cookies and headed back toward the train.
SHOPPING!
Before we got back on BART we decided to stop in at some of the big department stores – Macy’s, Bloomingdales and Nordstrom – just to take a look around and maybe get an idea of some things he might like for Christmas. He had never been to Bloomingdales (I know, right?) so it was neat to see his reaction as we went from department to department. When we finally left Nordstrom we were dumped out into the Westfield Mall, so we went to Hot Topic, which is a store that caters to teens and which Caesar is a big fan of. So now the tables were turned and he got to show us around someplace we had never been. The two things that caught me off guard were the cases (yes multiple cases) of body jewelry – nipple rings, belly button rings, etc., as well as the fact that the music they were playing sounded a lot like the music I listened to in high school. Ah well, le plus ca change…
MOVING RIGHT ALONG
All in all, it was a successful visit. Yeah, there were times when we were just hanging out and not saying much, but when we had something to talk about, Caesar would participate in the conversation and had no problem giving his opinion on things. We definitely want him to like us, so we’re nervous about saying and doing the right things, but we realize it’s just going to take time for us to get to know each other. That said, the next step is going to be us bringing him over to our house. And this time without his social worker! We’re planning to pick him up on Sunday morning and take him out to breakfast, maybe see a movie, and then just hang out at our house. Basically a typical Sunday afternoon for us. At some point in the afternoon we’ll all go food shopping for the week and then make dinner together. I think it will be nice to just sort of hang out together, since life is not all trips to the city or one big adventure after another. I think this will let Caesar start to see what life with us might be like.
CHINATOWN
We met Caesar with his social worker, Tricia, at the BART (commuter rail) station and took the train into the city. We decided to go to Chinatown, since there is so much to see and do, and because he had never been there. The crowds weren’t too bad… Chinatown is always crowded, but it wasn’t as insane as I’ve seen it on weekends, so it seemed like a good time to be there. We started off walking up Grant Avenue, which is one of the main streets and is mostly tourist shops selling flip flops and mini license plates with names on them (one place actually had a “Troy” license plate, but Caesar came to terms long ago with the reality that he can never find his name on souvenir license plates, keychains or refrigerator magnets). He was really taken by all the sights and sounds: the red lanterns hanging on buildings and in the street, the stores with huge ivory sculptures in the windows (boo, ivory!), the old man playing a traditional Chinese instrument in front of a church. We did a lot of window shopping and people watching, which is one of the best things to do anywhere in San Francisco!
It was about noon at that time and we were getting hungry, so we stopped for lunch. We decided to go to Brandy Ho’s , which is a chain restaurant that I’ve seen in several places now. I was hoping to go to a traditional dim sum restaurant where they roll carts around the restaurant with many small appetizer-sized plates (like Chinese tapas?) and you pick the items you like and everything gets tallied up at the end. However it turned out to be a good choice to go to Brandy Ho’s since Caesar is a bit of a picky eater… he does like a number of foods but he hasn’t had a lot of experience with various cuisines so it was good to go with something he was familiar with at first. We got pot stickers and pork chow mein, which he knew he would like, but we also tried some new things too. We got a vegetable dish that had carrots (which he knows he likes), bok choy (which he had never tried but is similar to things he likes), and tofu (which he had never tried and is probably nothing like anything he had ever eaten before). We had a few other dishes and were pretty stuffed by the time we finished.
After lunch we started walking back toward the train but walked down Stockton Street this time. While Grant Avenue is more of the touristy side of Chinatown, Stockton Street caters to the Chinese residents of the city. Most of the signs on the stores are all in Chinese with no English. Instead of souvenir and electronics stores, there are produce and fish markets and stores that sell Chinese herbs and medicines. We also ventured into some of the alleys between the main streets. I have lived in the Bay Area for 16 years and had never known they existed, so it’s no wonder that there were very few tourists in the alleys. There were some smaller stores and shops, and people living in the floors above had their laundry hanging out to dry on the fire escapes. In one of the alleys was a fortune cookie factory and we decided to go in to check it out. Basically it was a big room with a couple of machines cranking out the big, flat, round cookies and two women who sat next to the machines and folded them into the fortune cookie shape one after the other. We bought a couple of bags of fortune cookies and headed back toward the train.
SHOPPING!
Before we got back on BART we decided to stop in at some of the big department stores – Macy’s, Bloomingdales and Nordstrom – just to take a look around and maybe get an idea of some things he might like for Christmas. He had never been to Bloomingdales (I know, right?) so it was neat to see his reaction as we went from department to department. When we finally left Nordstrom we were dumped out into the Westfield Mall, so we went to Hot Topic, which is a store that caters to teens and which Caesar is a big fan of. So now the tables were turned and he got to show us around someplace we had never been. The two things that caught me off guard were the cases (yes multiple cases) of body jewelry – nipple rings, belly button rings, etc., as well as the fact that the music they were playing sounded a lot like the music I listened to in high school. Ah well, le plus ca change…
MOVING RIGHT ALONG
All in all, it was a successful visit. Yeah, there were times when we were just hanging out and not saying much, but when we had something to talk about, Caesar would participate in the conversation and had no problem giving his opinion on things. We definitely want him to like us, so we’re nervous about saying and doing the right things, but we realize it’s just going to take time for us to get to know each other. That said, the next step is going to be us bringing him over to our house. And this time without his social worker! We’re planning to pick him up on Sunday morning and take him out to breakfast, maybe see a movie, and then just hang out at our house. Basically a typical Sunday afternoon for us. At some point in the afternoon we’ll all go food shopping for the week and then make dinner together. I think it will be nice to just sort of hang out together, since life is not all trips to the city or one big adventure after another. I think this will let Caesar start to see what life with us might be like.
Friday, November 6, 2009
AT LONG LAST, WE MEET
Great news! We finally got to meet the 16-year-old that we’ve been learning about these past few weeks. Since things went so well and it looks like we’re all going to try to proceed with the placement, I think it’s ok for me to finally reveal that his name is Caesar.
DISCLOSURE
We started the disclosure process last week. This is where we met with Caesar’s social workers and a representative from the county to discuss his current situation, family and medical history, his strengths and any areas where he’s having challenges, etc. As it turns out, Caesar’s child welfare worker attended, but he is new to the agency and was recently assigned to him, so he didn’t realize that he was responsible for bringing all of Caesar’s past records and reports with him to the meeting. Also, since he had only met him once, he didn’t have much that he could add other than his initial impressions of Caesar. Fortunately, Caesar’s placement social worker, Tricia, has known him for years and she was able to tell us a lot about him. It was still frustrating though not to have all the documents available since we had been waiting for this appointment for a month. I could feel myself getting a little angry when the county worker suggested that we reschedule. I had had to bump a whole day’s worth of patients just to schedule this one meeting, and most of them had been waiting weeks or months to be seen, so I was not excited to have to do it again. Fortunately, we were able to complete the meeting over the phone in a conference call on Monday. We had all the documents faxed to us, and once Chris and I had a chance to review everything and get all of our questions answered, we decided we were ready to move forward.
MEETING CAESAR
At this point, no one had told Caesar yet that there was a couple interested in adopting him. They wanted to wait until we had all the documents and had “full disclosure” before they told him about us. How awful would that be to have to tell a kid, “You remember that couple that was interested in adopting you? Well, once they read your file and found out what you’re really like they changed their mind and don’t want to meet you after all.” Of course, that wasn’t the case, and once we decided to go ahead, Tricia was quick to let Caesar know. We set up our first meeting for last night (Thursday).
A day or two before, I did a Google search using the keywords “teen” “activities” “downtown” and “Walnut Creek”. I soon learned that there are absolutely NO teen activities in downtown Walnut Creek. Basically we have restaurants and stores. No bowling, no miniature golf, no arcades. Nothing. That’s ok though, we met Caesar and Tricia at California Pizza Kitchen for dinner and had time to talk and get to know each other. He was impressed at how pretty the downtown area is… most of the trees have strings of white lights on them at night all year round, not only at Christmastime. We had a great conversation that went from favorite foods (both favorite to eat and favorite to cook), to what we all did on Halloween, to our favorite rides at Great America Amusement Park, to our favorite scary movies. We were both expecting Caesar to be somewhat shy, and he was a little at first, but he loosened up really quickly and it wasn’t long before he was in the middle of the conversation sharing his opinions and laughing at our jokes and making some of his own.
After we ate we took a short walk around the Downtown Plaza, window shopping outside the Crate and Barrel and all the clothing stores. Caesar was free with his opinions on some of the fashions (“Oh my god, I LOVE those shoes!”) and having a parallel activity actually helped the conversation to flow even better. However, it was getting late and Tricia had to take Caesar home, so we took a few pictures (I’ll post them if/when the adoptive placement goes through) and made plans for our next visit. We all have the day off from work/school next Wednesday, which is Veterans’ Day, so we are going to plan some activity where we can spend a few hours together during the day. This visit will also be with both Caesar and Tricia, and if things go well, we may take Caesar out next Saturday by ourselves. We admitted as we were saying goodbye that Chris and I had both been nervous and excited to meet him but that we had a great time and liked him a lot, and we were looking forward to seeing him again. He agreed that he had been nervous too but that he also had a lot of fun.
About a half hour after we got home, we got a call from Tricia. She had just dropped Caesar off and wanted to call to let us know how excited he was on the car ride back. She told us that he’s really looking forward to next Wednesday, and we were glad because we are too!
More updates as they happen!
DISCLOSURE
We started the disclosure process last week. This is where we met with Caesar’s social workers and a representative from the county to discuss his current situation, family and medical history, his strengths and any areas where he’s having challenges, etc. As it turns out, Caesar’s child welfare worker attended, but he is new to the agency and was recently assigned to him, so he didn’t realize that he was responsible for bringing all of Caesar’s past records and reports with him to the meeting. Also, since he had only met him once, he didn’t have much that he could add other than his initial impressions of Caesar. Fortunately, Caesar’s placement social worker, Tricia, has known him for years and she was able to tell us a lot about him. It was still frustrating though not to have all the documents available since we had been waiting for this appointment for a month. I could feel myself getting a little angry when the county worker suggested that we reschedule. I had had to bump a whole day’s worth of patients just to schedule this one meeting, and most of them had been waiting weeks or months to be seen, so I was not excited to have to do it again. Fortunately, we were able to complete the meeting over the phone in a conference call on Monday. We had all the documents faxed to us, and once Chris and I had a chance to review everything and get all of our questions answered, we decided we were ready to move forward.
MEETING CAESAR
At this point, no one had told Caesar yet that there was a couple interested in adopting him. They wanted to wait until we had all the documents and had “full disclosure” before they told him about us. How awful would that be to have to tell a kid, “You remember that couple that was interested in adopting you? Well, once they read your file and found out what you’re really like they changed their mind and don’t want to meet you after all.” Of course, that wasn’t the case, and once we decided to go ahead, Tricia was quick to let Caesar know. We set up our first meeting for last night (Thursday).
A day or two before, I did a Google search using the keywords “teen” “activities” “downtown” and “Walnut Creek”. I soon learned that there are absolutely NO teen activities in downtown Walnut Creek. Basically we have restaurants and stores. No bowling, no miniature golf, no arcades. Nothing. That’s ok though, we met Caesar and Tricia at California Pizza Kitchen for dinner and had time to talk and get to know each other. He was impressed at how pretty the downtown area is… most of the trees have strings of white lights on them at night all year round, not only at Christmastime. We had a great conversation that went from favorite foods (both favorite to eat and favorite to cook), to what we all did on Halloween, to our favorite rides at Great America Amusement Park, to our favorite scary movies. We were both expecting Caesar to be somewhat shy, and he was a little at first, but he loosened up really quickly and it wasn’t long before he was in the middle of the conversation sharing his opinions and laughing at our jokes and making some of his own.
After we ate we took a short walk around the Downtown Plaza, window shopping outside the Crate and Barrel and all the clothing stores. Caesar was free with his opinions on some of the fashions (“Oh my god, I LOVE those shoes!”) and having a parallel activity actually helped the conversation to flow even better. However, it was getting late and Tricia had to take Caesar home, so we took a few pictures (I’ll post them if/when the adoptive placement goes through) and made plans for our next visit. We all have the day off from work/school next Wednesday, which is Veterans’ Day, so we are going to plan some activity where we can spend a few hours together during the day. This visit will also be with both Caesar and Tricia, and if things go well, we may take Caesar out next Saturday by ourselves. We admitted as we were saying goodbye that Chris and I had both been nervous and excited to meet him but that we had a great time and liked him a lot, and we were looking forward to seeing him again. He agreed that he had been nervous too but that he also had a lot of fun.
About a half hour after we got home, we got a call from Tricia. She had just dropped Caesar off and wanted to call to let us know how excited he was on the car ride back. She told us that he’s really looking forward to next Wednesday, and we were glad because we are too!
More updates as they happen!
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